Winston Churchill

I've struggled with depression since college. I'm a successful attorney—partner at my firm, nice house, loving family. From the outside, I have everything. Some weeks I can barely get out of bed. I call in "sick" and lie in the dark. I've tried medication (helps somewhat), therapy (helps somewhat), exercise (helps somewhat). Nothing makes it go away completely. I've accepted that this is just part of who I am—my "black dog," as a friend calls it. But lately I've been wondering: am I managing this illness, or am I using it as an excuse? When I cancel plans or get someone else to appear in Court for me, is that depression or lack of discipline? My father's generation would say "snap out of it." My therapist says "be gentle with yourself." How do I fight my inner demons without hating myself for having them? — Black Dog in Baltimore

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