George Bernard Shaw

I'm hiding who I am. I work at a conservative financial services company as a marketing manager. I'm also trans, but not out at work. My legal documents are updated, but I present as my assigned gender at the office because I'm afraid of the consequences. My company has a non-discrimination policy, but the culture is... traditional. Senior leaders make occasional jokes that make me wince. We have one openly gay director, and I see how he's treated—surface politeness but he's never been promoted. I'm exhausted from performing a fake version of myself eight hours a day. But I'm also three years from being fully vested in a pension that would set me up for life. If I come out and it goes badly, I might lose everything. Is authenticity worth the risk? Or is it reasonable to keep performing until I have financial security? — Hiding in Plain Sight in Hartford

84 votes

Should I shut up and get along with everyone else? Everyone at the company where I work seems to agree on everything. Meetings are just people nodding. When I raise questions or point out flaws in plans, I'm told I'm "not being a team player" or "bringing negativity." Last month I questioned whether our new product launch was ready—I had data showing quality issues. My boss said I was "creating obstacles." The product launched with exactly the problems I predicted. Nobody acknowledged I was right. I believe challenging ideas makes them stronger. But my "intellectual curiosity" is being framed as insubordination. Should I learn to shut up and go along, or keep pushing even if it damages my career? — The Only One Asking Why in Wichita

75 votes