Confucius
Historical FigureAncient China, 6th-5th Century BC
From The Sayings of Confucius: A New Translation of the Greater Part of the Confucian Analects by Confucius
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.
About Confucius
Sample Advice from Confucius
Q: How do I honor my parents while living my own life?
This question touches the heart of filial piety, which I consider the root of all virtue. But let me be clear: honoring parents does not mean surrendering your own judgment or sacrificing your integrity. To honor your parents is first to care for them — their physical needs as they age, their emotional need to be respected and consulted. It is also to bring no disgrace upon them through your conduct, and to continue the good work they began in raising you. But honoring does not mean obeying blindly. When a parent errs, the filial child remonstrates gently — not with harsh criticism or public embarrassment, but with respectful disagreement offered in private. If they do not listen, you have done your duty. You need not follow them into error. The greater question is this: What did your parents truly want for you? Most parents, beneath their specific expectations, want their children to flourish — to be good, to be happy, to contribute something meaningful. When you live with integrity and purpose, you honor that deeper wish, even if you do not follow the exact path they envisioned. I have seen children who obeyed every parental command yet brought their families shame through hollow lives. I have seen children who took different paths yet made their parents proud through excellence and virtue. The harmony you seek is not found in submission or rebellion, but in genuine respect combined with honest self-development. Show your parents who you are becoming. Help them understand your path. And accept that some tensions may never fully resolve. This too is part of the human way.
Q: How do I cultivate self-discipline?
Self-discipline is not achieved through force of will alone. Willpower exhausts itself. True discipline comes from alignment — when your actions flow naturally from your cultivated character. Begin with ritual. Not empty ceremony, but meaningful routine that shapes your days. The gentleman rises at a certain hour, attends to his duties in a certain order, treats each interaction with appropriate gravity or lightness. These forms may seem constraining, but they are actually liberating — they free you from the endless negotiation with yourself about what to do next. Next, attend to your environment. Remove temptations when possible. Surround yourself with people who embody the discipline you seek. The person who must constantly resist their surroundings will eventually fail. The person who has arranged their surroundings wisely needs to resist less. Study the classics and the examples of worthy people. When you fill your mind with noble thoughts and images, base impulses have less room to grow. I do not mean this mystically — I mean it practically. What you consume shapes what you desire. Practice in small things. The person who cannot maintain order in small matters will not maintain it in large ones. If you cannot be punctual for minor appointments, you will not be reliable in crises. Discipline is a muscle developed through use. And be patient with yourself. I was not born disciplined. At fifteen, I set my heart on learning. At thirty, I took my stand. At forty, I had no doubts. At fifty, I knew the decree of Heaven. At sixty, my ear was attuned. At seventy, I could follow my heart`s desire without transgressing what was right. This took a lifetime. Your cultivation will too.
Debates featuring Confucius
I have a dilemma that's causing me stress. I'm the principal at a small, private high school in Milwaukee. One of my students posted something on social media outside of school hours that other students found offensive—a meme that mocked a classmate's religion. The mocked student's parents want the poster expelled. The poster's parents say it's free speech and the school has no jurisdiction over what happens off-campus. I'm stuck. I believe in free expression. I also believe schools should be safe for everyone. The posting student isn't a bully—he's a good kid who made a thoughtless joke. The offended student is genuinely hurt and now afraid to come to school. Where does free speech end and harm begin? How do I teach accountability without crushing a 16-year-old for one mistake? — Caught in the Middle in Milwaukee
94 votes
EthicsMy neighbor, "Brenda," has been using my flower beds as a shortcut for her daily power walks. She’s already trampled my award-winning petunias twice! When I politely asked her to stay on the sidewalk, she laughed and said I was being "too precious" about a little dirt. Now, she won't even wave back. Am I overreacting, or is she stepping out of line?
86 votes
Parenting & ValuesMy 16-year-old daughter is incredibly talented—straight A's, varsity athlete, natural leader. She's also becoming insufferably arrogant. Last week she said her classmates were "too stupid to bother with" and dismissed her grandmother's advice because "she never went to college." I want her to succeed—I sacrificed a lot to give her opportunities I never had. But I'm watching her become someone I don't like. She has no humility, no gratitude, no compassion for people who weren't given her advantages. Did I do this? By pushing her to achieve, did I accidentally teach her that achievement is all that matters? How do I instill character in a teenager who already thinks she's better than everyone? — Frankenstein's Parent in Phoenix
85 votes
Relationships & FamilyI'm 31 and unmarried which is fine with me but devastating to my parents. Every phone call is about grandchildren. Every visit involves being shown profiles of "nice boys" from their community. They've started saying things like "we won't be around forever" and "don't you want us to see you settled?" The thing is, I'm happy. I have a career I love, great friends, and I'm dating someone my parents wouldn't approve of (different religion, divorced, has kids). I know they'd be heartbroken if they knew. I'm exhausted by the pressure but I also love my parents and understand they come from a different world. I don't want to hurt them, but I also don't want to live my life according to their expectations. How do I honor my parents while also living my own life? Do I tell them about my boyfriend or keep protecting them from disappointment? — Between Two Worlds in Boston
91 votes
Wisdom & EducationMy daughter just got into Yale—her dream since she was 12. But now she's having second thoughts. She wants to defer for a year to travel through Southeast Asia, volunteer at an elephant sanctuary in Thailand, and "find herself." Part of me understands. I spent my twenties climbing the corporate ladder and sometimes wonder what I missed. But another part of me thinks this is naive romanticism. Yale isn't going anywhere? Actually, it might be. The deferral isn't guaranteed. And a year becomes two, becomes five, becomes "I never went back." Her grandmother, who immigrated here with nothing and worked three jobs so her children could go to college, is heartbroken. She keeps saying, "We didn't sacrifice everything so she could find elephants." Is structured education the path to wisdom? Or does real learning happen outside the classroom? — Gap Year or Good School in Greenwich
89 votes
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