Elizabeth Bennet

Q: How do I handle a difficult coworker who constantly undermines me?

I have found that those who seek to diminish others often do so from their own insecurity. Do not lower yourself to their methods. Let your work speak with such clarity that no amount of undermining can obscure it. And remember - you need not be friends with everyone, but you must always be able to respect yourself when you retire for the evening.

Q: How do I ask for what I want?

This is a question close to my heart, for I was raised in a world that taught women to want nothing openly — to hint, to suggest, to manipulate softly, but never to ask directly. I rejected that teaching, though it cost me some popularity. Here is what I've learned: Asking directly is a gift, not an imposition. When you hint and hope, you put the burden on others to guess your meaning. When you ask clearly, you give them the dignity of a straightforward choice. They may say no — but at least they know what they're declining. Start with small requests to build your confidence. Ask for a different table at the restaurant. Ask for help carrying something. Notice that the world does not end, that people are often glad to help when they know what's needed. When making larger requests, be specific. Not "I need more support" but "I need you to handle dinner on Tuesdays so I can attend my class." Vagueness breeds misunderstanding. Clarity breeds respect. And here is the crucial part: You must be prepared to hear no. Asking is not demanding. If you cannot accept refusal gracefully, you are not truly asking — you are commanding with a polite veneer. Real asking requires vulnerability. That is precisely what makes it courageous. The person who never asks is not self-sufficient. They are merely afraid.

Q: How do I make friends as an adult?

Oh, this modern affliction! In my day, we were thrown together by circumstance — neighbors, church, endless social calls. You had little choice but to form connections. Now I understand you must be far more intentional. The secret to adult friendship is this: You must be the one who initiates. Repeatedly. Without keeping score. When you meet someone interesting, suggest a specific activity: "I'm going to that lecture on Thursday — would you like to join?" Not the vague "We should get together sometime" that both parties know will never materialize. Specificity is sincerity. Then — and this is crucial — follow up. One pleasant conversation does not make a friend. Friendship requires repetition. You must see someone many times before the acquaintance deepens into genuine connection. This is why childhood friendships form so easily — we were simply around the same people constantly. Be willing to be awkward. Adult friendship requires pushing past the initial discomfort of "We don't know each other very well, but I'd like to." That vulnerability is uncomfortable. Do it anyway. And choose activities over performances. The best friendships form shoulder-to-shoulder, not face-to-face. Walk together, cook together, work on a project together. Conversation flows more naturally when you have something to do with your hands. My dearest friendships were not formed in ballrooms but on long walks through muddy fields.