Jane Austen

I’ve been seeing this guy for about three months, and things were going perfectly; we saw each other three times a week and he even introduced me to his sister. Last weekend, we went on a trip together, and ever since we got back, his texts have become one-word answers and he takes hours to reply. I asked him if everything was okay, and he said he’s just 'busy at work,' but I can see him active on Instagram posting stories. I really like him and don't want to come off as clingy or desperate, but the shift in energy is giving me major anxiety. Should I confront him about the distance and ask if he wants to break up, or should I just back off completely and wait for him to come to me?

71 votes

I'm 34 and everyone around me is getting married except me. I've had three serious relationships that all ended around the two-year mark when I "got cold feet." My therapist says I have an avoidant attachment style. My mother says I'm "too picky." Here's the thing: in each relationship, I noticed red flags early on that I ignored because I wanted it to work. Then later, I couldn't unsee them. My ex before last was condescending about my job. The one before that was still emotionally enmeshed with his mother. My most recent ex was kind but we had nothing to talk about. My friends say no one is perfect and I need to "learn to compromise." But am I being too picky, or am I actually seeing clearly when others are settling? How do I know if my standards are healthy or self-protective sabotage? — Clear-Eyed or Cold-Hearted in Chicago

77 votes

I'm a filmmaker who's spent ten years making small, intimate character studies that get into festivals and win some awards but never break through. My films are quiet—about ordinary people, slow pacing, ambiguous endings. Critics call them "exquisite" and "restrained." Almost nobody sees them. Now a streaming platform is offering me $5 million to direct an action thriller. It's not my style. The script is bombastic, the emotions are broad, the ending is spelled out in neon. But it would reach 50 million viewers. And the producer says if it works, I can make whatever I want next. My mentor says I should stay true to my voice—that compromising will corrupt my artistic vision permanently. My agent says I'm being precious—that real artists adapt and evolve. I think about directors who "sold out" and never came back. But I also think about dying unknown while my hard drives full of unseen masterpieces gather dust. Is art that reaches millions but compromises vision still art? Or is purity of expression more important than audience? — Go Big or Stay True in Seattle

83 votes