Jean Valjean

Ten years ago, I embezzled $40,000 from the small nonprofit where I worked. I was young, stupid, in debt from what I realize now in hindsight may have been an addiction to poker. I got caught, served 2 years and 8 months, and lost all my things that were in storage and my car. Since then, I've rebuilt my life completely. I'm sober, married, have two kids, and work in a completely different job. Nobody in my current life knows about my past. I've paid back every cent through anonymous donations. Now I've been nominated for a community leadership award. I just found out the process involves a background check. If I somehow try to stop the process, people will wonder why. If I accept, the things I did might come out. If I come clean, maybe it will mean a fresh start and definitely would be a huge relief—but my kids would learn who I used to be. Do I owe people the truth about my past? Have I earned the right to a new life and keep the past buried?

103 votes

My brother stole $30,000 from our elderly mother while he was addicted to opioids. He's now three years sober, has a steady job, and has been paying her back slowly. He wants to come to Christmas this year. My mother has forgiven him. I haven't. I was the one who discovered the theft. I was the one who had to tell our mother. I watched her cry and ask what she did wrong. I covered her bills while she was short. My brother never thanked me or even acknowledged what I did. My mother says I'm holding onto anger that only hurts me. My therapist says forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. My brother says he "can't change the past" and wishes I'd "move on." I don't know how to forgive someone who hasn't really apologized. Is forgiveness something I owe him, or something he needs to earn?

98 votes