Jean Valjean

Ten years ago, I embezzled $40,000 from the small nonprofit where I worked. I was young, stupid, in debt from a gambling addiction. I got caught, served eight months, and lost everything. Since then, I've rebuilt my life completely. I'm sober, married, have two kids, and work in a completely different field. Nobody in my current life knows about my past. I've paid back every cent through anonymous donations to the nonprofit. Now I've been nominated for a community leadership award. The ceremony involves a background check. If I decline, people will wonder why. If I accept, my past might come out. If I come forward first, I control the narrative—but my kids would learn who I used to be. Do I owe people the truth about my past? Have I earned the right to a new identity? Or is hiding always a form of lying? — Reformed But Still Running in Richmond

99 votes

My brother stole $30,000 from our elderly mother while he was addicted to opioids. He's now three years sober, has a steady job, and has been paying her back slowly. He wants to come to Christmas this year. My mother has forgiven him. I haven't. I was the one who discovered the theft. I was the one who had to tell our mother. I watched her cry and ask what she did wrong. I covered her bills while she was short. My brother never thanked me or even acknowledged what I did. My mother says I'm holding onto anger that only hurts me. My therapist says forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. My brother says he "can't change the past" and wishes I'd "move on." I don't know how to forgive someone who hasn't really apologized. Is forgiveness something I owe him, or something he needs to earn? — Still Angry in Akron

95 votes